The DAY!!

Ok, this will be my last blog about the wedding. 

It seems like so much has happened and yet nothing have changed. I guess in a way, that much is a comfort. 

I think to tell the whole story of it, I shall have to start about 3 days before my actual wedding day. After a scare from some fortune teller, we managed to negotiate a peace treaty by having another ceremony 3 days before our actual wedding day. Additional ceremony means more work and more work means less sleep. At first, we negotiated a very small and private ceremony. I thought I could make do with my own make up and maybe a simple white dress and that will be it, so I wasn't too happy when I find myself scrambling to find a last minute make up artist and a white wedding gown. 

My before and after look before my actual wedding day

Granted that I wasn't able to test her make up, it was still alright but I still prefer the stylist that we invited from KL. Simply a blessing. 

On the actual day itself, woke up early to make up and dress up. Last minute also can tweet about it and check my phone... hehe... 

And then around 9ish, the groom and his gang came along. Luckily I have my stylist, Jossi with me or else I swear I wouldn't be able to sit still. I can hear people laughing and jostling around downstair but I cannot see a thing until one of my friend showed me a short video. 

You know it would be great fun when the dessert for the man looks something like this. And this is not even the hottest of 'em all. 

Guaranteed 'bagus'!

I wish I could give better details about what happened downstairs with the groom and his gang while I fidget upstairs but I am not sure, so if anyone else blogs about it, I would link it here. 

(O ya, forgot to mention. The actual photographer was found and assigned last minute. It almost gave me a heart attack. Thank God he is a funny and professional photographer!)

(So thankful I am for having him last minute that I won't mind him throwing my shoes up the jambu tree!) 

I am so thankful for my sisters as the trio busied themselves with controlling the crowd, managing the bridesmaids and cooking up hell on earth. (I heard it didn't turn out to be hell, it seems the groom and his gang could stomach much worst... damn!!) 

As night draws near, we took a nap (and I regretted it, should have done something else) before the dinner. As I soon learn, my list were slightly incomplete because I fell asleep the night before (at 3am, ok?) and didn't remember to complete it. So, once again... grateful to my sis who helped me manage and control the throng of crowd. If anyone is offended, my apologies. I didn't mean to offend, I just truly and wholly wanted to sleep, that's all.

But overall, I think it turned out OK!!

I realized that I have bunch of awesome friends who readily forgives the mishaps. Initially I have thought of staging my own version of runaway bride but I was glad I didn't, because then I won't have been the reason for all my friends to have a gathering in that place. 

The night really felt like a blur and even right now, I struggled to recall how many tables we toasted and how many courses we have in our dinner menu. 

My stylist for the day, Jossi. 

The ones I will recall ultimately are the ones who stick by me, even for the smallest task like finding the right dress (ok, that is not small... that is like a HUGE task!) or even the right make up. Those who came from far for me and who put on a smile through the chaos (ok la, not that bad la) and confusion, thank you! 

I do

13 years before I said I do, I met him for the first time. I have heard so much about him. I thought we would be best friend on sight but we didn't and I am not even sure why. He wore a black shirt that day. 

11 years before I said I do, I disliked him for his guts. I couldn't comprehend how he came to appear on every club activity and school activity when I was struggling just to stay in the school that I like. I couldn't understand why someone who can choose to be driven home chose instead to walk home alone. I thought this must surely be a weirdo. 

9 years before I said I do, I didn't understand what is this relationship that is developing between us. From being someone who perhaps only greet each other once in a blue moon to a big brotherly presence in my life, there is only one word 'confused' but it felt alright. I felt he was special but could not comprehend how much so. In our attempts to put to light what we feel, we say stupid things that only served to drown us in confusion. That is why it is so amazing how we finally put together the pieces...

8 years ago before I said I do. I never expected to fall in love again and again with the same amazing person, no... an amazing person who just keeps on getting better.

2 years ago, the moment before I said I do, I remembered the moon was beaming down on its reflection in the still lake. The moment when he stuttered a question, I didn't need to listen to the words or look at the ring to know that I do. When I said I do, I have finally understand him more as a friend than all those years I stood as spectator of his life. I came to appreciate and adore his independence and fell in love with his passion. In him, I reflected on my childishness and with him, we have grown much.

I wish to say that the day I said I do, I finally laid to rest my insecurities in our relationship but it isn't so. With our wedding guests as our witness, I finally realize that the strength to fight through all insecurities has been within us all this time. 

Defying gravity

One year ago, I went to a WICKED musical and blogged about it here. I really love the more adult twist to the story and particularly liked one of the song entitled 'Defying gravity'. I guess these two words resonate to some frequency in my heart, and I just wanna share it with all of you. 
A bit of background on WICKED!! If you read Wizard of Oz, you would have an idea of the background of this musical. Except in WICKED, the storyline revolves more around Elphaba (Wicked witch) instead of Dorothy and how she became known as the Wicked witch of the West. 
This song piece happened sometime after Elphaba (the wicked witch) decided not to join the Wizard of Oz and Glinda (the good witch) caught up with her. When I listened to the song, I felt very encouraged and motivated. Sometimes when you feel trapped at a crossroad and you feel pressured to take the road commonly traveled yet you dream of choosing the road less traveled, I hope this song gives you the strength to make the right decision for yourself.  
GLINDA(spoken) Elphie - why couldn't you have stayed calm foronce, instead of flying off the handle!(sung) I hope you're happy!I hope you're happy nowI hope you're happy how youHurt your cause foreverI hope you think you're clever!
ELPHABAI hope you're happyI hope you're happy, tooI hope you're proud how youWould grovel in submissionTo feed your own ambition
BOTHSo though I can't imagine howI hope you're happy right now
GLINDA(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:(sung) You can still be with the WizardWhat you've worked and waited forYou can have all you ever wanted:
ELPHABA(spoken) I know:(sung) But I don't want it -No - I can't want itAnymore:
Something has changed within meSomething is not the sameI'm through with playing by the rulesOf someone else's gameToo late for second-guessingToo late to go back to sleepIt's time to trust my instinctsClose my eyes: and leap!
It's time to tryDefying gravityI think I'll tryDefying gravityAnd you can't pull me down!
GLINDACan't I make you understand?You're having delusions of grandeur:
ELPHABAI'm through accepting limits''cause someone says they're soSome things I cannot changeBut till I try, I'll never know!Too long I've been afraid ofLosing love I guess I've lostWell, if that's loveIt comes at much too high a cost!I'd sooner buyDefying gravityKiss me goodbyeI'm defying gravityAnd you can't pull me down:(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we coulddo: together.
(sung) UnlimitedTogether we're unlimitedTogether we'll be the greatest teamThere's ever beenGlinda -Dreams, the way we planned 'em
GLINDAIf we work in tandem:
BOTHThere's no fight we cannot winJust you and IDefying gravityWith you and IDefying gravity
ELPHABAThey'll never bring us down!(spoken) Well? Are you coming?
GLINDAI hope you're happyNow that you're choosing this
ELPHABA(spoken) You too(sung) I hope it brings you bliss
BOTHI really hope you get itAnd you don't live to regret itI hope you're happy in the endI hope you're happy, my friend:
ELPHABA So if you care to find meLook to the western sky!As someone told me lately:"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"And if I'm flying soloAt least I'm flying freeTo those who'd ground meTake a message back from meTell them how I amDefying gravityI'm flying highDefying gravityAnd soon I'll match them in renownAnd nobody in all of OzNo Wizard that there is or wasIs ever gonna bring me down!

So, how does it makes you feel today? :)

The confession of a bridezilla

My gosh, I feel so relieved that I will only have one wedding throughout my entire life. 

It seems like my years of events management, conflict resolution and anger management has been put to THE test all in one bundle for one single event. 

Ok, not that bad la...

I guess every single girl have this image of the ideal wedding in their mind. (I wonder who planted it in our mind. Perhaps the works of the same bunch of people who had also cashed in on commercializing events like Christmas or Easter.) But now I know for fact that every single person have this image of the ideal wedding and they will ensure that you know about it one way or another.

So, wedding prep started off pretty easy, I think. I had the leisure of doing things slowly like choosing the musics, the wedding favors and thinking of who to invite to my wedding. I was getting the hang of calling companies up and getting quotation and thinking of where and what of the wedding.

I had this sweet idea of giving personalized fortune cookie within cute double-happiness boxes as wedding favors. I was so happy with it that I was feeling quite confident that everything would turn out fine.

I created an event in FB and waited as friends and family members leave messages on whether they would come or not. I thought whoever didn't reply my messages wouldn't actually bothered to come so I confidently reported the numbers and we confirmed the number of tables with the hotel.

I had the fright of my life when suddenly people who didn't confirm suddenly told me they were coming. Don't get me wrong, I am touched but I was a bit frantic at that point that my list was a bit messy. (Perhaps more annoyed is the fact that people who told me they were coming didn't bothered to and I see empty tables, it breaks my heart. Y u no say u no come? )

Then a fortnight into our wedding, a chinese fortune teller told us (based on a book) that our wedding date isn't auspicious and if we stick to that date, our marriage would break and/or my womb would grow spiderweb (if you get what I mean). I was upset and close to tears as I imagined the horrors and pain of changing plan at such a short period of time. At the same time, I was enraged as I couldn't for the life of me understand what did he based his readings on as he didn't even bothered to get our birth dates. Tell me, is that normal?!?

In the end, I managed to negotiate a separate and smaller event on another auspicious date so on our pre-determined wedding date, we could still have our wedding banquet and the game ceremony in the morning. Everyone was still shaky of the scare and tried to talk me out of the game ceremony and all that on our pre-determined-now-cursed date (technically, that day is my birthday too. So, wtf??ｏ( ><)o My birthday is cursed??), I was so upset that I made hubby promised that if one day my womb grow spiderweb he will still love me. Thank God, he said the right words. lol... Or I would have staged my own version of run away bride.

As the date has now been pulled forward, I had to speed up my preparation and what not. Step one on the list was cleaning out my old family house. It has been left unattended for quite some time and the dust layer was so amazing that I had skin eczema the first day I tried to clear my stuff away.

 I think the construction opposite my house didn't help too. It was so horrible I managed to hire a maid to clean it for one day and poor girl sneezed the first few hours, I felt so bad. Luckily for me too, my sisters came back few days afterwards and help cleaned it some more.

The second thing on my list would be the traditional decors! I had such a hard time making peace with purchasing stuff I didn't like for a one time event that I can't throw away or reuse afterwards. For example, according to tradition, the bride has to bring chicken into the groom's house during the wedding day. The tradition has now changed to allow us to bring the chicken statue instead. Honestly, I don't see any improvement at all about this. Imagine paying RM160+ for statue of chicken that cannot be eaten (I think live chicken cheaper some more!)  and according to the shopkeeper I cannot throw away and I cannot let anyone reuse it (consumerism at its best). In order to make me listen, she had thrown in the scare of spiderweb-laden-womb for safety measure. (Me shaking my fist at her (＃｀д´)ﾉ )

The other thing that a bride needs to bring over is a set of new toiletries, which includes the face towels, towel set, face basin and the omg-so-ugly urinal pot. I'd hate to interject at this point that I live elsewhere and I would never (in any right mind) bring these things to my place and paying RM300+ for set of reddish colour toiletries is probably big sign someone is ripping me off. When the shop assistant pulled out the baby bathtub, I was at my limit and while no one else was looking, I rudely waved her away.

It is totally against my principle to buy stuff I know I would never use, even the thought of letting other people use or giving it away was quickly hushed by elders that I felt like a sucker consumer being sucked into mindless tradition. I believe that in olden days people are poorer and not everyone would be able to afford new set of toiletries for each newly weds, right? It would have probably been borrowed or passed down, right? So tell me, can anyone even traced the belief that you can't pass on or borrow these stuff?? I totally believe these are mainly stuff the shopkeeper made up to ensure continuous business.

Then the wedding dress hunt! Everyone assured me that it would be easy for me to find the right dress that I actually confidently pushed it to a month before my wedding. Since I took a bridal package from a bridal studio as well, the owner told me not to choose the dress too early because he would have a new batch of wedding dress by a few months time. So I was disappointed to find not only limited wedding dress but also dresses that were obviously worn old.

I think I might have tried on 20-25 gowns before we finally decided on a white gown and a dinner gown. We eventually hunted outside of the bridal studio we had a contract with and had to pay extra. Luckily my sisters were closed by, because I would totally have decided to wear the ugly dresses and just forget this day ever existed. Luckily, they also allowed us to take pic of the gown so we could have more time festering on which gown looked better. But it is really a strenuous time if you leave it to the last month especially when everything else is also threatening to change.

Preparation was hell I have to admit and there were nights I couldn't get enough sleep and I grew restless, cranky and lost my appetite. It didn't help that everyone was pouring in and pushing their opinion over, I want to thank you all for trying to help. I can now say that I see that elders want us to follow certain traditions because they want the best for us ( and not have spider-web womb, wtf!). I hope you know that I may not agree, but I do it for your peace of mind. And I can also comprehend that something uttered were mainly because they wanted me to have a memorable wedding... and I know you all love me and me you too. So thank you.  

Pre-wedding preparation ( losing weight )

Yeay! I have successfully completed my wedding, so I have to give myself a pat on the back for everything. But prior to the day itself, there is just so many many things and details to fine tune, I thought this day would never come. So these series of posts would be a summary of what happened. 

Months before my wedding, I tried (like every bride before me) to lose my weight. And I remembered that my friend ever mentioned that I would look my best at 50kg for my current height and all that so this would be my best chance to test it out. But I didn't want to just lose weight and inevitably my figure so I did some research (namely typing incessantly into Google) and found out about Figurobics!

Figurobics is basically a combination of exercises that targets the key area that most girls want to lose weight on but at same time strengthening your other muscles. For example, burning fats from the thighs and abdomen while strengthening the chest muscle to prevent saggy and loose... wtf!! lol... It is founded by Jung dayeon (click on the hyperlink for more bio on her and her awesome pics at age 45!!) . I basically am a cheapskate when it comes to this because I know I paid for gym membership countless times before and then watch as it expires. And then I bought like stuff that are suppose to help me lose weight and then I forget about it till it expires so for the first few months I did everything the au natural method. 

I googled jung dayeon and her exercises online and actually found her few exercises on youtube!! Cool... So I danced to that few days a week and boy did I sweat!! I actually felt the muscle soreness even though one series of exercise only lasted max 30+ minutes. I was convinced with her technique that I eventually bought one of her book on stretching. Highly recommended!! 

But two months before my wedding, the results were still a bit slow so I decided to combine with yoga and pilates. So I signed up with a nearby fitness group and joined their workout. I woke up real early for some of the classes. Those exercises were awesome!! 

Hehe... I am so dedicated. I'd like to think. :P

Well, the combination of that and perhaps my intolerant stomach, I finally hit my target weight!! (Nights I spent crying in bed because I felt so bloated and nausea from food intolerance that I didn't want to eat yet I am hungry. It was horrible!!) 

Yeay~!

But then days later my hubby came back, and within a short period of 4 days, I had gained 4kg!! (Way more than I initially weight). 

So, basically... 

I finally hit 50kg...

and it's gone~!

O well.... 

Arch enemy or Bestie?

So I am sick again... in KL. 

It seems like every time I drop by Msia, I have to get sick once... at least once. My body can't seem to adjust itself smoothly back to Msia's climate or food or whatever. And it seems it has partner with my maybe-arch-enemy-maybe-bestie stomach. 

My stomach has been like a bugger all these years. My relationship with it has been a love-hate relationship because I am not sure whether it is a friend or a foe. It has always haunted me with bloating, swelling, pains, indigestion, nausea, etc etc. 

One of my first theory was that it must have been my arch enemy in a previous life. Probably someone I have successfully defeated and with its last breath, it swore that it will be reincarnated as something or someone that can follow me everywhere I go and torture me when I least expects it. And probably that was how it was reincarnated as my stomach and it decides that it will torture me by being very very intolerant. 

But my stomach has not always been so intolerant. When I was a child, I could drink milk easily for example and did not suffer the after effects. So, probably my stomach was a friend who keep tabs on my eating habits. I remember fresh after high school when I couldn't stop eating and eating and eating. And my stomach swelled so much, people at the sideline speculated that I was pregnant. (That was so mean!) And I couldn't be bothered to reduce my food intake or exercise more because I was happy. It took a serious food poisoning plus fever session (that lasted 2 -3 weeks) to effectively reduce my food intake and lost 8kg. So, maybe my stomach has some inherent wisdom in being so selective on which food it takes in and which it does not want. 

So is it a friend or a foe? 

Break in KL

People have always commented that the food portions are bigger in Australia than Malaysia, I guess naturally I want to post on this matter cause that is all wrong~! 

Look at the stuff I found!!

Humongous steamed bun! One that is as big or bigger than my face! This bun is named after a famous actress called Amy Yip who has huge boobs and these are supposedly modeled after 'em. Impressive.... #foodporn!!  It contains mince pork, chicken bits (with bones still intact) and egg (too bad they didn't stuff the whole egg). And that humongous bun got to settle within the stomach of four of us. 

And Giant Macaroon!! You can see my nail at one side of the macaroon, right? That is how big it is!!

And how about this humongous birthday card?!? Kinda make me wish my hubby would gift me this on my upcoming birthday~! Can you imagine how absolutely eye-friendly it is for my eyes?? 

Last but not least, the most humongous banana ever!! (Pisang stands up banana in malay). Okie la, to be fair, it is a papaya, I don't know why they label it as banana but close enough. :P 

Then I listened to how people commented on how dirty China citizens are cause they spit on the roads and all that. Hello... people do that in Malaysia too! I don't even wanna wear slipper when I visit the local kopitiam and markets because it is so gross. One time I saw the apek in front of me spit on the road and I accidentally step on it, I really want to throw away my shoes afterwards. 

Luckily I didn't because I only brought one pair of shoes back and I really need it to protect my feet against the spit and what not. 

So till next time... bb....

The birth of bridezilla

The countdown to my actual wedding day has started and I feel the feeling of 'impossibru' creeping up all around me. Everything and absolutely everything just had to be perfect, which includes me and my cellulite, dark eye circles, butterfly arm and whatever else I choose to freak out about. With the clock ticking more ominous now, I trembled at the possibility of starring in my own version of runaway bride. 

But, take a deep breath and take a step back, I am not too sure why I have this feeling. Technically, we have signed our marriage papers roughly a year ago and I don't recall feeling these jitters when I signed it in front of our family. It was a beautiful moment and I should forever treasure that moment. I do remember the bliss of marrying my best friend in the world, the one and only person I have officially invited to my heart and who have chosen to stay. But before the wedding... suddenly all those thoughts of 'what if's', 'could have' and 'might have' assaulted my brain, add a pinch of my friend's perhaps 'well-intention' reminder of things I should stress about, things I should mind about and troubles and pains I should foresee and that equates to basically the birth of bridezilla. So number one human bridezilla is gonna eat are those who freaks her out now. So that means whoever who comes to me with problems without solutions are gonna have a hard time recovering their hearing ability. 

lol... Anyway...

Let me cover what have been planned and done so far. The first thing to cover will be the pre-wedding photoshoot. If you want to see the pics, have a look here. We decided to go to Taiwan for the wedding photoshoot because we wanted it to be something super special. I initially wanted to go to Japan la, lol... but then we couldn't go in April (which is the time for sakura, I estimate) and one thing led to another, we decided Taiwan. 

The most important thing at this stage is to actually get a really good and reliable photographer. If you choose to make it simpler by going for those photoshoot packages from bridal studio, make sure you check whether they are reliable and delivers on time. My friends have mostly flocked to KL for the pre-wedding photoshoot because it is cheaper but do bear in mind of the difference between time, cost and quality and sometimes spending a little more can really take the burden off the mind especially for people working overseas. 

And I am totally not material for whole body shots because I don't know how to pose (wth am I suppose to do with my hands??), so I was lucky that the photographer was patient and did not make it more awkward for us. 

The best thing is that I get to explore Taiwan during that time and bought a lot of random stuff.... lol... Holiday + work 

So we finally finalized the design and layout of the photo album.... phew... So, now it should be in printing and I should get it pretty soon. 

Apart from pre-wedding photoshoot, one of the most important thing to do is to book the wedding venue!! We did the right thing by booking this venue almost a year in advance. We really like a venue that is big enough to accommodate all our guests but at the same time beside a beach (we really like the beach~!). Then 6 months before our wedding, I had second thoughts about the venue and tried to change the booking but it seemed everywhere else I wanted was booked out. At that moment, I'd imagined the other couple as Kate Hudson in my bride wars. lol.. Since the other venues didn't have the sea view anyway, I decided to fall back on the first choice. And I heard the food there is better too... so woo hoo for me~! Then had to book the emcee for the night. Had another Kate Hudson/Anne Hathaway bridal moment when another couple wanted the same emcee for the night and we lost (We got hold of his number in Feb but we called him in June and the other couple called him in May... we were too slow)... wth... Once again the emcee was so nice, he introduced a different emcee to us and she sounded alright over the phone. Ok, done deal.  

So after the venue, the menu selection and the emcee has been booked... we had to book the band for the night. Hubby loves music, if he had gotten what he had always dreamed of, he would make his groom entrance like a concert with him sitting behind a grand piano and me perhaps floating to him from the ceiling... wth... Good imagination. So lucky that we have a friend who has a mad passion for music, thank you so much~! He'd organized a list of songs for the event, so at least we do  not have to rack our brains too much for that. 

Then came the invitation card designs, it seems like for the past few months Murphy's law has been in full action. Whatever could go wrong will. It really makes me dread the days counting to the wedding. So anyway, a simple card design... a simple simple card design. I don't want to comment la since it has been printed. Later I complain and then karma bit me before the wedding even starts, then soi lo... But maybe I will share the experience after this is over. But anyway, bottom line was even simple was hard. grrr....

Next thing on my head now is wedding cake. Omg... Knowing my obsession, it only makes sense that I turn to jelly when I imagine my wedding cake as JELLY wedding cake!! Omg... so OMG pretty!! And special too! I don't think a lot of people have jelly wedding cakes?!? 

Some more, jelly cakes contains no saturated fats and cholesterol, meaning it will not bulk up your waistline. See, I am so considerate?!? hehe... 

Images from qjelly.com

I teared up when I scrolled through their images cause somehow I felt as if I found my wedding cake equivalent of a soul mate. Like... like I have been waiting so long for you... 

But... but... logistic issues... *tears up again* 

So far, what I learnt through my experience is that planning a wedding is fun but very difficult, especially your own because there is so much more than logistics and planning to it, there is also complicated emotions. Such as the irrational fear of a sucky wedding. There will always be people who tries to freak you out, but take it in your own stride. If they prove too much to handle, then you may scream at them. I think seeing you freak out a bit makes the other person feels calmer, I am not sure exactly the demented logic behind this but it works and they leave you alone. *Happy sigh*  

And I quote my previous tweet, 'If bridezilla does exist, then her mate is Groom-Freak-A-Lot. And together, they will have a freakishly smashing wedding together~!' :) Do I get an Amen on that? lol... Just kidding.  

Falling in love with myself

If you asked me a few months back whether I love myself, I would say straight to your face a huge 'NO!'

I have faced haters in my life, people who don't think I worked hard enough, people who think I don't deserve the blessings that I get and people who are two face to the point of loathsome. But the hardest hater to face is one that is embedded in me. A voice that keeps telling me I am not good enough, I have not done enough and I am undeserving. So, I really wanted to tell the haters in my life to don't bother la, you don't need to be the bad guy anymore, I can easily do that for you 24/7. 

Growing up, I wasn't given much attention. I used to fester and complain why the heck was I born a girl when a boy was given more priority. It was like been dished up with a punishment that wasn't even my fault to start with. It was setting a ridiculously impossible to reach bar of comparison that I could not overcome. But it wasn't only a point of view that others impose on me, it was a punishment I took to heart and implement in my life.  

Looking back, a lot of my decisions were influenced by people's feedback on me. My inner hater collected these negative feedback and multiply it to build picket fence around me, making me believe that I am safe as long as I stay as its captive. But the disgusting part was that every time I start to feel happy, these people would generate more things to dissect, and my picket fence grew smaller and smaller. You probably think at this point how stupidly naive I sound, so easily influenced by others. You're probably right but you'd be stupid to think people do not influence you to a certain degree too and I am sparing you the ugly things they said about me.  

As my inner space grew smaller, I had to throw out my peace, confidence and eventually loves in my life. Do you know it is only until recently that I realized what a situation I have placed myself in? I finally understood that whoever or whatever those haters think they are and think they know, it all doesn't matter. They won't be there with us every step of our lives but I have to live with myself every second, every minute, every hour of the day till the last breath that I take. Like flies in the summer heat, they come and they go and they are really annoying but they are not permanent. So why should I limit my happiness for an annoying fly?

I used to punish myself for the inaccurate viewpoint other people have on me. I acted in a certain way just to avoid this but I now made peace with myself. Sometimes, people's view of us is obstructed by the thorn in their eyes, it doesn't matter if I strive to be nicer to them it would always be poison in their heart so I let go. I am breaking down the picket fence I erected all around me and begin to see the possibilities out there. I would not punish myself anymore for things that are out of my control. 

I recognize that I truly do not deserve the many blessings that I have in life, and because of that I am immensely grateful. Suddenly those things that I once take for granted were made sweeter with just a dash of gratefulness. 

I recognize and acknowledge my mistakes and my imperfections because I am human. I am replacing my inner hater with a self reflector. Instead of bashing myself internally for things I did wrong, I choose to laugh and promise myself that I will do it better next time. Just like my garden, I will grow sunflowers in my heart and it will follow everywhere the sun goes and will not dwell in the shadows anymore. 

Being the woman of the house

So, we are now settled in our small but cozy nest. What happens now?

I always thought that I would morphed into this multi-tasking persona with an ipad on one hand, a phone sandwiched precariously between my shoulder and my ear and a broom or mop in the other hand (Watch too much tv liao... lol...). I would not be just a house wife but a career driven woman... A career mum~! I don't want to turn out like those aunties with their bulging stomach (when not pregnant) dressed in their drapey clothes whose main entertainment is gossiping about others. I wanted to be sleek, stylish, adventurous and fun-loving.  As yet, I am still nowhere near what I envisioned myself to be. I still prefer comfy oversize t-shirt and cotton pants whenever I am home. My wake up call was when my housemate actually thought I slimmed down!! She was pretty used to seeing me wear M-L size t-shirts and free size cotton pants so free size that my brother can wear it, no problem (I am serious, when he was here, I actually borrowed it to him and it fits... urgh...).  Then one day she saw me coming back from an event or something and when I took off my coat and my shawl, she went 'OMG, you lost weight!' It was so embarrassing... 

Since I do not like to be called house-wife, I dubbed myself woman of the house~! *Girl's power!*

Apart from having fun decorating and creating my garden, there is still hard labor behind the picture. Like how I love to do grocery shopping, but I hate carrying, loading and unloading my purchase. Sure wish they offer online shopping with FREE delivery for those~! But I am getting carried away. 

O well, I accept those responsibility along with the responsibility of paying bills ON TIME. But there is one responsibility that one seldom notices until you become a woman of the house. Being the woman of the house is also synonymous with knowing the location of everything in the house. 

So the normal everyday ones would be 'where's the key?' and 'where's the charger?' while the annoying one would be 'where's my black jacket, the one with the .... ... ' to sometimes 'where's the nutella?' and sometimes the thing they are seeking is right in front of their eyes. Luckily, my house is small or else I will hit them in the head for making me run up and down for something so obvious. Sometimes I do wonder whether it is just my hubby but when my bro came over, he also has this disease so I have to humbly accept that it is now my responsibility to keep track of everything that we commonly share and their stuff. *Sigh* When it is my turn to find my stuff, I can only ask God. 'God, where? where??'  Maybe I am annoying Him too much, He doesn't like to answer me when I do that. 

So, I turned to asking my stuff where they are, my common concern would be 'Iphone, where are you?!? Where? Where?' I know it sounds silly and it never works, time for a change!! Apple should program Siri to be voice activated when I call it and answer 'I am here, on the dining room table' or 'I am here, under the quilt folds and you are going to squash me with your sexy ass!' That would be so much useful than 'I can only give business in the US', bla bla bla... discriminating Siri~! 

And hard disk, you better come back to me or I am never going to love you anymore~!

Grr.... 

August's product talk

Lately I have been so consumed being a consumer!! There is so much things out there. So many weird and wacky stuff that attracts and excites me and my wallet is feeling the burn. And the first thing I always do is check other people's reviews on them which is sometimes hard to find. So, today... this post is going to be about some stuff that I love this month... (actually for quite some time.. but since I started this post this month... so yeah, stuff I love this month...)

1. Gold

I think gold needs no introduction, right? There is white and there is yellow. A lot of people have tried to convince me that generally white gold is aesthetically more pleasing than yellow but I persists in wearing yellow gold. Why??  I will let you in on a small secret. 

Have you guessed yet? Hehe... It is because I believe in its contribution to my aesthetic value!! There are plenty of facial centers and products that are using 24k gold as their selling point. According to them, gold speeds up the cellular processes and activates regeneration within the cell. In terms of deep cellular levels, gold is well reputed for restoring the lost elasticity properties of the tissues. Gold slows down collagen depletion and the breakdown of elastin to prevent sagging skin. Gold's anti-inflammatory properties also decrease skin inflammation, thereby slowing down melanin secretion and reducing age spots (Source). 

Off course, in order for effective deep cellular action, the gold particles must be in the form of nano particles. That way, it can be readily absorbed into the skin via pores while I wear it in its metallic form. However, I am not sure be it the fact that gold is the most inert solid element at standard condition or its good electron grounding properties, wearing it does bring about improvement to my skin. I speculate (because I have no proof) that it is because it regulates the ionic condition on my skin that my skin is less irritated by the attack of free radicals. 

Sometimes I do trade my gold necklace for other metallic and more fashionable necklaces, and I forgot to put it back on afterwards. I noted that 3-5 days later, little red bumps alike pimples begin to pop out from my skin and my pores appear bigger. (Actually not a lot la, but I like to freak out a lot.) And the appearance of these red bumps are not tied to hormonal change or diet change, so I decided to put my gold necklace back to soothe my skin and it works! Off course, the purer the better. I am currently wearing 916 which is like 91.6% purity? Those obviously gold alloys I got from Australia have no such effect. Trust me, I am an enginner. lol... It might just be a placebo effect anyway...  

2. Kose Sekkisei lotion

I finally finished my bottle of Kose Sekkisei lotion! Sadness!! 

If at first, I wasn't too convinced with this lotion, now I am totally in love with it. If you have yet to read my review on it, check it out here. 

An absolutely wonderful lotion for lotion mask! I just didn't know what I had till I compared with the other lotions. The benefits of using it as lotion mask is that it really refreshes, lightly moisturizes and brightens up the skin. I could feel my skin singing its praises. For me, it is those lotion that the more you use, the better your skin gets. Absolutely wonderful for summer but also great for that pick-me-up lotion in winter. RAWR~! 

3. Herbalife Instant Herbal Beverage

If I could compare my stomach to a pressure vessel, stainless steel (SS316) kind being the average and able to stomach a lot of stuff, mine would be cardboard or maybe plastic. It had resorted to bloating and pain to warn me that it is a picky stomach and is the master of me, not slave. So after a day of food binge (usually one that is high in fat), it would spend the next day berating me (by means of weird noises) with its huge puffed up face (bloated). But I have now found a way to soothe it, i.e. Herbalife Instant Herbal Beverage! 

Its slight bittery tea taste seems to clean my palette and cut through the extreme fatty sludge in my stomach which in turn soothes it. And whenever it comes to pick-me-up drinks, I think there is nothing better than the Instant Herbal Beverage by Herbalife. Knowing what caffeine does to me, I would only take this in the morning or latest after lunch. Granted that it is pretty costly, it does pretty much what it is supposed to do.  Plus the person who introduced this product to me mentioned that it helps increase the body's metabolism which means it helps you slim down, the lazy way! This is like one of life's cheat! lol...  

'This delicious low-calorie tea mix blends green tea and orange pekoe with cardamon seed, lemon peel, hibiscus and natural sources of caffeine for an uplifting taste treat. Green tea is known for its natural antioxidant properties. Studies have shown that regular consumption of green tea can be beneficial to your wellbeing. Enjoy refreshing Herbalife Instant Beverage as part of your weight-loss programme or whenever you want a boost' (Herbalife) 

I do feel a bit weird talking about direct sales product, seems like I am marketing them. But I am not a distributor and this is just me sharing what I like about it. If you like more information about how to incorporate this into your weightloss regime, it is a good idea to talk to a qualified distributor. :) 

So that is all for the month of August~! Can't wait to try what I wanna use for product talk next month~!