Falling in love with myself

If you asked me a few months back whether I love myself, I would say straight to your face a huge 'NO!'

I have faced haters in my life, people who don't think I worked hard enough, people who think I don't deserve the blessings that I get and people who are two face to the point of loathsome. But the hardest hater to face is one that is embedded in me. A voice that keeps telling me I am not good enough, I have not done enough and I am undeserving. So, I really wanted to tell the haters in my life to don't bother la, you don't need to be the bad guy anymore, I can easily do that for you 24/7. 

Growing up, I wasn't given much attention. I used to fester and complain why the heck was I born a girl when a boy was given more priority. It was like been dished up with a punishment that wasn't even my fault to start with. It was setting a ridiculously impossible to reach bar of comparison that I could not overcome. But it wasn't only a point of view that others impose on me, it was a punishment I took to heart and implement in my life.  

Looking back, a lot of my decisions were influenced by people's feedback on me. My inner hater collected these negative feedback and multiply it to build picket fence around me, making me believe that I am safe as long as I stay as its captive. But the disgusting part was that every time I start to feel happy, these people would generate more things to dissect, and my picket fence grew smaller and smaller. You probably think at this point how stupidly naive I sound, so easily influenced by others. You're probably right but you'd be stupid to think people do not influence you to a certain degree too and I am sparing you the ugly things they said about me.  

As my inner space grew smaller, I had to throw out my peace, confidence and eventually loves in my life. Do you know it is only until recently that I realized what a situation I have placed myself in? I finally understood that whoever or whatever those haters think they are and think they know, it all doesn't matter. They won't be there with us every step of our lives but I have to live with myself every second, every minute, every hour of the day till the last breath that I take. Like flies in the summer heat, they come and they go and they are really annoying but they are not permanent. So why should I limit my happiness for an annoying fly?

I used to punish myself for the inaccurate viewpoint other people have on me. I acted in a certain way just to avoid this but I now made peace with myself. Sometimes, people's view of us is obstructed by the thorn in their eyes, it doesn't matter if I strive to be nicer to them it would always be poison in their heart so I let go. I am breaking down the picket fence I erected all around me and begin to see the possibilities out there. I would not punish myself anymore for things that are out of my control. 

I recognize that I truly do not deserve the many blessings that I have in life, and because of that I am immensely grateful. Suddenly those things that I once take for granted were made sweeter with just a dash of gratefulness. 

I recognize and acknowledge my mistakes and my imperfections because I am human. I am replacing my inner hater with a self reflector. Instead of bashing myself internally for things I did wrong, I choose to laugh and promise myself that I will do it better next time. Just like my garden, I will grow sunflowers in my heart and it will follow everywhere the sun goes and will not dwell in the shadows anymore. 

Being the woman of the house

So, we are now settled in our small but cozy nest. What happens now?

I always thought that I would morphed into this multi-tasking persona with an ipad on one hand, a phone sandwiched precariously between my shoulder and my ear and a broom or mop in the other hand (Watch too much tv liao... lol...). I would not be just a house wife but a career driven woman... A career mum~! I don't want to turn out like those aunties with their bulging stomach (when not pregnant) dressed in their drapey clothes whose main entertainment is gossiping about others. I wanted to be sleek, stylish, adventurous and fun-loving.  As yet, I am still nowhere near what I envisioned myself to be. I still prefer comfy oversize t-shirt and cotton pants whenever I am home. My wake up call was when my housemate actually thought I slimmed down!! She was pretty used to seeing me wear M-L size t-shirts and free size cotton pants so free size that my brother can wear it, no problem (I am serious, when he was here, I actually borrowed it to him and it fits... urgh...).  Then one day she saw me coming back from an event or something and when I took off my coat and my shawl, she went 'OMG, you lost weight!' It was so embarrassing... 

Since I do not like to be called house-wife, I dubbed myself woman of the house~! *Girl's power!*

Apart from having fun decorating and creating my garden, there is still hard labor behind the picture. Like how I love to do grocery shopping, but I hate carrying, loading and unloading my purchase. Sure wish they offer online shopping with FREE delivery for those~! But I am getting carried away. 

O well, I accept those responsibility along with the responsibility of paying bills ON TIME. But there is one responsibility that one seldom notices until you become a woman of the house. Being the woman of the house is also synonymous with knowing the location of everything in the house. 

So the normal everyday ones would be 'where's the key?' and 'where's the charger?' while the annoying one would be 'where's my black jacket, the one with the .... ... ' to sometimes 'where's the nutella?' and sometimes the thing they are seeking is right in front of their eyes. Luckily, my house is small or else I will hit them in the head for making me run up and down for something so obvious. Sometimes I do wonder whether it is just my hubby but when my bro came over, he also has this disease so I have to humbly accept that it is now my responsibility to keep track of everything that we commonly share and their stuff. *Sigh* When it is my turn to find my stuff, I can only ask God. 'God, where? where??'  Maybe I am annoying Him too much, He doesn't like to answer me when I do that. 

So, I turned to asking my stuff where they are, my common concern would be 'Iphone, where are you?!? Where? Where?' I know it sounds silly and it never works, time for a change!! Apple should program Siri to be voice activated when I call it and answer 'I am here, on the dining room table' or 'I am here, under the quilt folds and you are going to squash me with your sexy ass!' That would be so much useful than 'I can only give business in the US', bla bla bla... discriminating Siri~! 

And hard disk, you better come back to me or I am never going to love you anymore~!

Grr.... 

August's product talk

Lately I have been so consumed being a consumer!! There is so much things out there. So many weird and wacky stuff that attracts and excites me and my wallet is feeling the burn. And the first thing I always do is check other people's reviews on them which is sometimes hard to find. So, today... this post is going to be about some stuff that I love this month... (actually for quite some time.. but since I started this post this month... so yeah, stuff I love this month...)

1. Gold

I think gold needs no introduction, right? There is white and there is yellow. A lot of people have tried to convince me that generally white gold is aesthetically more pleasing than yellow but I persists in wearing yellow gold. Why??  I will let you in on a small secret. 

Have you guessed yet? Hehe... It is because I believe in its contribution to my aesthetic value!! There are plenty of facial centers and products that are using 24k gold as their selling point. According to them, gold speeds up the cellular processes and activates regeneration within the cell. In terms of deep cellular levels, gold is well reputed for restoring the lost elasticity properties of the tissues. Gold slows down collagen depletion and the breakdown of elastin to prevent sagging skin. Gold's anti-inflammatory properties also decrease skin inflammation, thereby slowing down melanin secretion and reducing age spots (Source). 

Off course, in order for effective deep cellular action, the gold particles must be in the form of nano particles. That way, it can be readily absorbed into the skin via pores while I wear it in its metallic form. However, I am not sure be it the fact that gold is the most inert solid element at standard condition or its good electron grounding properties, wearing it does bring about improvement to my skin. I speculate (because I have no proof) that it is because it regulates the ionic condition on my skin that my skin is less irritated by the attack of free radicals. 

Sometimes I do trade my gold necklace for other metallic and more fashionable necklaces, and I forgot to put it back on afterwards. I noted that 3-5 days later, little red bumps alike pimples begin to pop out from my skin and my pores appear bigger. (Actually not a lot la, but I like to freak out a lot.) And the appearance of these red bumps are not tied to hormonal change or diet change, so I decided to put my gold necklace back to soothe my skin and it works! Off course, the purer the better. I am currently wearing 916 which is like 91.6% purity? Those obviously gold alloys I got from Australia have no such effect. Trust me, I am an enginner. lol... It might just be a placebo effect anyway...  

2. Kose Sekkisei lotion

I finally finished my bottle of Kose Sekkisei lotion! Sadness!! 

If at first, I wasn't too convinced with this lotion, now I am totally in love with it. If you have yet to read my review on it, check it out here. 

An absolutely wonderful lotion for lotion mask! I just didn't know what I had till I compared with the other lotions. The benefits of using it as lotion mask is that it really refreshes, lightly moisturizes and brightens up the skin. I could feel my skin singing its praises. For me, it is those lotion that the more you use, the better your skin gets. Absolutely wonderful for summer but also great for that pick-me-up lotion in winter. RAWR~! 

3. Herbalife Instant Herbal Beverage

If I could compare my stomach to a pressure vessel, stainless steel (SS316) kind being the average and able to stomach a lot of stuff, mine would be cardboard or maybe plastic. It had resorted to bloating and pain to warn me that it is a picky stomach and is the master of me, not slave. So after a day of food binge (usually one that is high in fat), it would spend the next day berating me (by means of weird noises) with its huge puffed up face (bloated). But I have now found a way to soothe it, i.e. Herbalife Instant Herbal Beverage! 

Its slight bittery tea taste seems to clean my palette and cut through the extreme fatty sludge in my stomach which in turn soothes it. And whenever it comes to pick-me-up drinks, I think there is nothing better than the Instant Herbal Beverage by Herbalife. Knowing what caffeine does to me, I would only take this in the morning or latest after lunch. Granted that it is pretty costly, it does pretty much what it is supposed to do.  Plus the person who introduced this product to me mentioned that it helps increase the body's metabolism which means it helps you slim down, the lazy way! This is like one of life's cheat! lol...  

'This delicious low-calorie tea mix blends green tea and orange pekoe with cardamon seed, lemon peel, hibiscus and natural sources of caffeine for an uplifting taste treat. Green tea is known for its natural antioxidant properties. Studies have shown that regular consumption of green tea can be beneficial to your wellbeing. Enjoy refreshing Herbalife Instant Beverage as part of your weight-loss programme or whenever you want a boost' (Herbalife) 

I do feel a bit weird talking about direct sales product, seems like I am marketing them. But I am not a distributor and this is just me sharing what I like about it. If you like more information about how to incorporate this into your weightloss regime, it is a good idea to talk to a qualified distributor. :) 

So that is all for the month of August~! Can't wait to try what I wanna use for product talk next month~!