Thoughts on June on Fire

Earlier last month, I was consumed by the goal to lose weight, eat healthy and get fit (a.k.a. June on Fire!).

I was so motivated by other people's before and after picture. I thought that person could be me! But in my mental picture, I don't need washboard abs or smaller waistline, I just wanted two things! I wanted lady muscles on my arm and I wanted my thigh gap to be complete. That's all I wanted.

And for this picture in my mind, I worked real hard. As hard as I could manage to push myself that is. I can give a thousand reason why this is hard but in the end it sounded lame in comparison to this image in my head. And it is true that I get tired and hungry by the time I reach home and oh-so-true that it is getting oh-so-cold dead of winter here. But a thousand reasons still cannot squelch that tiny voice inside reminding you of what you want, like a child throwing a huge tantrum and won't accept even a word of advise from their parents. I think sometimes I like and admire this kind of stubbornness. Some times.

Hard as it may seem to motivate myself to even move a muscle, I soon realize I have external pressure from others to handle.

I am talking about some that actually starts to feel resentful towards me. I mean how funny is it that people would actually feel resentful enough to make comments that getting fit and losing weight is easier for me because *insert adacadabra magic, please*. It sounds so obviously lame, right? If you're thinking of genetics, how many of us are actually genetically predisposed to be skinny anyway?

They act like I think I am better than them, making snide comments about my workouts as if I am planning an evil world domination. I don't know, all I care is working towards bettering myself. And I do not understand why I need to justify why I need to do this. Maybe it is something superficial like less flabbier arm and thigh gaps but my methods doesn't involve extreme measures such as starving myself and being bulimic, so go easy on me.

I am due to do my weight in next week, and honestly I haven't seen my full thigh gaps yet and my underarms still does the jiggles when excited so maybe all those snide remarks are unwarranted. Update next week~!