Touchie touchy...

Is it me or can someone relate to me on this... I am not much of a touchy feely kinda person.

I guess being in Perth, that must means this kinda behavior may well be viewed as bordering on anti-social. I get it, but it's ok. The truth is I do not like to be unnecessarily touched. I know some of my friends is so going to be exaggerating this point, I do not mind the slight bump, the slight graze of the hands on my hands, the handshake, and the fist bump (I actually think it is cool... :P). But I do mind the unnecessary handshake (like omg, every single time we meet? Once when we meet up and another when we part? Why??), the slight lingering hand on my back, the pat on my shoulder, the pat on the head, and the hugging where my pelvic bone knocks into theirs... now that is awkward. 

(Source)

So am I the only one here? 

*cricket sounds* 

Yeah, I knew it! A close guy friend of mine knew me all too well when we had a chance meeting and he had to stop short from hugging me to this awkwardly widespread eagle wave and a hand that grazes over my flat tummy (yeah, I just had to say that.. :P). That was then I realize how ridiculous I must have looked in other people's eyes. When I had to send my best friend off, he announced to me 'Ok, I am going to hug you now. Is that alright?'. And we were both in that awkward scenario because it should have come off naturally instead of... ok, let's hug... kinda scenario. One time, a new friend began crying to me and I couldn't even find it in myself to hug her and let her cry on my shoulder. She must have thought 'that heartless bitch!' ... Nah, I think she didn't, because she did that a few more times and I'd to think I made her feel comfortable by not pitying her but just listening to her. I'd like but I am not sure... 

Even dogs hug~! (Source)

And it's not like I am extremely afraid of contracting deadly diseases from them, or I think they are dirty, because if they are, trust me... I would be standing way further than an arm's reach and they probably have to squint to determine whether it was me they were seeing or just a mirage. But I am just not good at this kinda method of showing affection, some people can do it so naturally but I can't, I would over think the situation, like 'should my right hands go under or over her shoulder?', 'should I pat her head too?', 'should I cry too?' and 'what is the BEST distance one should hug? Too close and I might seem like I was overzealous or just plain insincere; too far and I will really look like I am insincere and afraid of contracting some deadly diseases from them'. I wish for myself that there is some kind of algorithm that you can input the relationship status and then the algorithm would calculate the perfect hugging distance. Which leads me to the second trap, the relationship status. 

Omg... let me go already... (Source)

Sometimes, you have a friend who you are not sure about... like is he/she your best friend/acquaintance or just good friends? A hug from you might mean that you take her as a best friend but does she? I do not want to look like I desperately wanted her to be my BFF and scare her off now, would I? Like when I tell my guy friends 'you can hug me when we are best friend' and they don't hug me, so does that mean they think I am not their best friend or they think I think they are not my best friend? WHO the heck is going to initiate the first contact?? 

I do not want to be insincere by touching people and not meaning it, like a guy who bangs a girl on the first date and did not ever call back. I don't. That is why I touch only when necessary. Take an example of me meeting a new friend in my previous company, I told him he would not like shaking my hands cause I have cold hands from the air con. He say he doesn't believe it and proceed to be very charming by wrestling my hands over only to flinch at the first touch. The flinch was so obvious, I felt hurt. To his credit, he did continue to shake my hand but he could not disguise his look of disgust. Well... too bad my hands weren't wet and slimmy too... 

I guess with this in mind, maybe it is a good idea to stay connected in the internet. 

So here it is...

I guess this should be me now... (Source)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

:)

3 questions for break up

After the honeymoon phase of a relationship, all relationships will undergo rough patches where they quarrel more than they kiss and time together seemed to drag into eternity of hell instead of glimpses of heaven as it once was. Sometimes these rough patches are signs that the relationship is not meant to be, and yet other times it is just a phase they had to undergo to better understand each other and as preparation for the next phase of the relationship. 

Fighting in a relationship... (Source) 

Sometimes, you don't know whether you choose to continue this relationship because of love or of habitual behaviour.  It is hard even for me to throw out my old worn out bag which can never be used again because I used to have so many loving memories of it, so what more to say of a relationship? We are after all, beings of emotion and not robots. Once we attached an emotional value to a thing, it is hard to detach ourselves even when the thing had turn sour or gone. And nobody likes changes, even my pet duckling, they rather fall into the drain than use the bridge I made for them. So would you rather let your relationship fall into a habitual fighting and squabbling and perhaps lukewarm condition instead of identifying that something is wrong? 

Are we still an item? (Source)

And one of the contributor of the unwillingness to let go is peer pressure. Because the measure of happiness does not stop at your wealth and health but whether you have a partner? It has often been a discussion amongst people during family gatherings and reunions whether one has a partner or not, that I'd hate to imagine the day when I have to answer that instead of being the asker. We are trained to think that if we do not have a partner even when we have everything else, there must be something absolutely wrong with us. For example, having a person beside you on Friday night dictates that you are not desperate and definitely not a weirdo. Or the occasional annoying guy who definitely has lower test score and social reputation than you, suddenly thinks he somehow has the right to belittle you because he has a girlfriend and you are single.  It is like the presence of our partner somehow vouch our sanity, mental stability and social standing for us. 

Best advise ever... (Source)

So how do you know? Sometimes if you are lucky, your family member and maybe the occasional best friend is better able to identify this before you, only because they do not have the deep emotional attachment as you. That is why I summarize some questions to consider when you are in such a situation: 

#3 What is it you love about your partner?

Or, you can ask yourself what do you love about your partner? If you are 1 year into the relationship, and you can only come up with their smile, just shut up already. It is normal that the first thing you notice is something superficial like their smile, their eyes, their beauty and their boobs. But one should also know that these do not last, their smile will fade when they cry, their eyes will be peppered with wrinkles and black  eye circles as they age, their beauty will fade with time and their once perky boobies may be replaced with saggy bobbies. 

We belong together... (Source)

After a few months into the relationship, you should notice and love how they are the zig to your zag, e.g. how your strong hand envelops her tiny hand (male), or how warm is his palm (female), or how your head fits into the nook under his neck (female) and etc. However, the more into the relationship you get, you should by now notice her inner beauty. There are times when her action touch you considerably, it may be something so simple like making your lunch for you or something more touching like buying you that latest Diablo 3 game which she knows you have been eyeing for months and would most probably rob her of your time together with her. 

Which brings us to the next question...

#2 Does your needs and wants align with your partner?

A healthy relationship is one that both has to give and take, and it is this continuous action of giving and receiving that keeps both party happy and in love. Imagine a scale in balance, if one is given too much load, the scale will tip over... likewise if one party has only to give while the other party only takes, it doesn't take a genius mathematician to notice the imbalance. But, and this is important, sometimes in a relationship, one has to give more than the other. For example, one is going through a hard time like losing their job, and the other partner has to provide for the family and/or emotional support. Even I go through a phase where I take more than I give, but the key importance is noticing that (1) it is just a phase and (2) whether they need it or just plainly want it. Most importantly for point (1) is that it is a passing phase and it will blow over given time, perhaps today I may take more than I give but tomorrow I may give more than I take. 

(Source)

For (2), If a girl loses her job and do not have enough to pay the rent, and requires her partner's assistance to make ends meet, it is a need. However, take an example of an insatiable and demanding girl who makes her own money but insist her boyfriend to not only pay for the rent and the utilities but also for her spending money and her family, that is want. Likewise, if your pride insists that you be able to provide for your girlfriend's every whim and wants, then off course both of you would be so in love with each other like a match made in Heaven. BUT if you need a woman that would be more understanding and supportive of you as the world is not easy on your pocket, well, off course this woman is a devil to you. It is really not hard to see, yet many could not see it. 

Do you need to or do you want to? Do your partner need it or want it? (Source)

Ah, you think, perhaps people can change to accommodate the other person, and I totally agree with that. Maybe you can change your want to accommodate her want, like being more brave, earn more money and be more influential. Good news is you can change minor details, it is your core values that will be your biggest enemy. And don't forget drastic change will put more strain into the relationship and in the end you might revert to your old self and hate her for her ways. 


That is why it is important to get to know yourself, your core values, your needs and your wants before committing to a relationship. 


However, people's wants and needs change with time, right? Take an example, when I am in high school, I want more romance in my relationship. All that singing in the rain, or dedicating a special song to me, to buying flowers and surprise parties was all I could ever hope for. But as I mature, I do not need this much attention, I value trust and our own space. Which brings us to the final question...

#1 What type of future you envisioned for the both of you?

Like a captain navigating the ship, he must have the support from all the ship's crew or else he would have a mutiny on board. Likewise, the both of you should have similar envision of the future. One of the way to identify a rough patch as a rough patch and not final blows to the relationship is when both of you can see a future together. 

A normal future together would include matrimony and maybe a baby (Source)

A friend of mine who broke up with her boyfriend once told me that although she could not see a future with him, she'd still clung unto the hope that they could be as sweet and happy as they used to be in those university years. It was apparent even to her that after graduation, she had moved unto a steady job and was now saving and planning for the future, however her boyfriend was still living the university life (albeit graduation) by constant partying and spending and have yet felt the urgency to get a job. Similarly, a size 5 shoe would fit me when I am 13 but as I grow, my feet grow and I would not be able to forcefully ram my feet into a size 5 shoe. Regardless how I once enjoyed the shoe, it would be unhealthy for my feet to grow in such condition. It is going to hurt each time I take a step in the shoe. So news are, so is your soul. 

If after asking yourself these questions, you still find hope to fight for your relationship, then do it! But if you don't, it is time to let go. 

All the best~! 

Happy Valentine's day~!

Valentine's day is coming up really soon~! I wasn't particularly conscious of the date but thanks to the ads and social network, I am very aware. Thank you so very much, I really don't know what my life would have been without knowing this bit of information. *sarcastic*

Valentine's day has grown from a humble day to appreciate our partner to a ridiculous and extravagant built up of expectation. And I am saying this even though I am in a relationship! I am not an anti-romance kinda person but perhaps a die hard romantic at heart. If a pair of lover are happy together, valentine's day would be almost another day in their calendar. You won't wait until valentine's day to give flowers, would you? You won't wait for valentine's day to buy something really nice for your partner, would you? How about looking them in the eye and telling them that you love them? That goes without saying, right?

What I am trying to say is that if you are happy, everyday would be a valentine's day. With or without the roses and the chocolates. (cause I am not really a fan of bouquets or chocolates)

But to actually set aside a day and say 'hey, you guys gotta spend the day together ridiculously happy!' is a bit pushing it for me. This year is the second time in our relationship that we are apart. Honestly, I don't feel that self-pity that so often befalls me. So what if he doesn't lavish me with expensive gifts? So what if he is not able to make it? So what if we don't share dinner? It doesn't matter. We spent most of our time awesomely to reaffirmed to me that he is the One. When my friend asked me what we are doing on valentine's day, I told them nothing as we will be apart. Then she went into all sympathy mode and started her cooing voice. 

It was then the crickets decided to start their symphony.... #ThatAwkwardMoment.... *poker face*

That kinda sucks. The stress of being happy together on this particular day robs me of what really matters.

It is very hard to describe how it feels to be in a relationship for 7 years~! Once, I told my friend that we have been together for 7 years, she was shocked. She had known her husband for 2 years before getting to married and later having a daughter, now aged 5. Yes, that is exactly what 7 years could have been for us. Probably a baby and maybe a dog too... My friend told me, '7 years? You should break up and be with more guys before you settle down.'

And I did the cereal puking action, except there is no cereal inside my mouth. 

Perhaps she doesn't know that commitment is not because I do not have anybody else to choose rather I do not WANT anybody else. Even though the world may seemed like a buffet table for some, I don't want to eat till I puke. 

I remember the day I picked up my hubby at the airport, I didn't know how I would feel or act after living without him for such a long time. Would we be distant? Would we need to re-established our past intimacy and trust? It felt weird to say that as we have been together so long, but it is true. Would I still love him the way I have always did? While I was fretting about all this questions, I spotted a face in the crowd. I didn't recognize at first, but I was attracted to him instantly. I almost looked away when the other person waved, before I realized it was my hubby all this time.  

Love is such a beautiful feeling, so don't just do something special on Valentine's day, every other day deserved our attention as well. Happy Valentine's day to every single person and couples in love~! 

Top 5 loser courtship strategy

Do you remember your first crush, like how when you look across the classroom and you caught your secret crush stealing a glance at you too? How your heart raced like a gazelle and your face reddened? Later, he presented you a card and maybe that single rose on a stalk. Now, that was sweet courtship. That long anticipated wait for the hookup. But as I grow up, I realized that there are more than those sweet moments. There are times when I just wanted to wear thick horn rimmed glasses and sweatpants everywhere just to avoid some of the loser courtship:

1. Bait, hook and sucker~!

Image: Some 'fishies' knows what you are up to, k?

I call it the 'fisherman' style but perhaps this is insulting the absolute professionalism some fisherman adopts. You will know what I mean when you encounter such a person: He started up by selecting his target group (e.g. single, pretty, smart, etc) without really having any emotional attachment whatsoever. Then he set his bait by being super sweet and friendly to you. Suddenly, he wants to send you home; suddenly he calls you out of the blue because he wants to get to know you; suddenly, he walks you to your car. But beware, because apart from you, he is also doing the exact things to other girls. After he had laid down his bait, he waits and observes which girl seems to show attachment or affection for him. And as if you are nothing but another variable in his bar chart, he notes down and compare different girls without their knowledge. He has done well for himself, but have you?

• His investment: sweet talk, a little of his time, and some text messages.
• ROI : Almost always some girls fell for him thinking that they are special to him. At best, she doesn't know about his fishing tricks out there before her. At best, he developed feelings for her and stay loyal to her. At worst, her best friend would inform her that the guy also showed the same affection to her, leading to a really awkward moment or he is dating someone else behind her back too.
• My verdict: Sometimes it works, but sometimes it backfires a LOT. Try dropping hints that you are not perfect and see whether he still comes back for you, if no, move on. If there's plenty of fishies out there for him, there's plenty more fishermen out there for you too.

2. Relationship whiner/moaner

Image: Pity party

These guys started off by being the injured puppy that you wanted to nurse back to full health. It can get very regular when you hear phrases like :

'I love my ex-girlfriend so much and she hurt me so deeply'

'I was betrayed, I don't think I can ever trust again.'

even though when you really think carefully, you are not that close to him.

He is the poor misunderstood sensitive soul who had been let down time and time again, someone who just seriously needed a break from all this bad luck. He wish you could be the one who would teach him how to trust again. But is he?

• His investment: tears and if you listen carefully, nothing but complaints... complaints... complaints...
• ROI: Girls who have a heart of gold, girls who can't say no even to a teacup pig
• My verdict: I am appalled by crocodile tears. For a real man, I don't think tears should come that easily. Remember that while he is bitching about his ex and how pitiful he is in front of you, what you are hearing is just a one side story. Until you hear the other side, keep a neutral front. At the end of the day, if you are moved, ask yourself whether it is pity you feel for him or true love?

3 & 4. Mr Better-than-thou and/or Mr show-it-all

Image: show off....

Mr show-it-all sounds like those ma-lak-lo with trench coat by the side of the road, waiting for innocent young girls to come by before flashing his sickly pale pee pee thing to them. In anyho, perhaps it is a evoluted creature of the flasher? Darwin would know better. Mr Better-than-thou and Mr Show-it-all seems like those ego maniacs who continuously belittle you infront of other people or when it was just the two of you together be it directly or indirectly. And when you thought he hates you, he started to drop hints that he is interested in you. But wait... wasn't he way ABOVE my league? Wow, I am honored such a person takes interest in me. STOP!!

• His investment: Nothing
• ROI: Barney Stinson from 'How I met your Mother' saluted this target group and they are usually girls who have serious daddy issues and low self esteem.
• My verdict: Firstly, unless he is seriously richer or influential than you, he is probably 120% more insecure than you. Secondly, if he can't respect you before you guys dated, he is definitely not going to respect you when you guys have your first quarrel.

5. Stalker

FB stalking does not count, blog reading does not count.

Image: What is socially acceptable and what is creepy...

The goosebumps starts to rise when he starts to troll around your FB, your twitter, your blog... soo much that you had to switched on the private settings on your account.

Perhaps at one time, he started off real sweet. Giving you cute pet names that no one else calls, giving you pressie and cards and dropping you calls just to talk. But when you start to reject him, he shows his true color because seriously... he can't get you out of his head. He started to turn up in places you frequent but he had never been before, he started to leave you really creepy msgs like maybe how he wish you and your bf will never meant to be (Omg... is that a threat?), and the worst he started to shadow you. STOP!

Image: Don't laugh, it can get serious...

• His investment: His time, his effort and his sanity
• ROI: I don't know...
• My verdict: He needs help, straightaway!! Don't tolerate this kind of behavior, this is seriously giving the wrong message to his brain. The only time this can get romantic is in the storybook and the movie!!

Image: The only way stalking gets the girl...

It is not surprising that sometimes girl just lose faith in the whole true love thing. I would too, if I wasn't lucky enough to find mine. But more on that next time...

Till then,

XOXO