On Bitch Talk

Whole night yesterday and today I felt quite disturbed, couldn't quite put a finger on it. (actually I can put a thumb on it, but probably not my pinkie finger) until I had a more thorough talk with one of my friend.

So yesterday, I went out for a farewell dinner for my friend. There were 7 of us and this one particular person (not really my friend) got on my nerve so bad, I even went to the extend of bear hugging her (a tactic I have always used to stiffle Poochy as in 'shut up, already!'). I didn't know I was doing it until I did, which was actually the extend of how much she upset me.

The problem was that she sorta singled me out for verbal abuse.
And when the following conversation unfold:

Her: You are so stupid and crazy! ( I don't remember what stupid act I did that made her said that, maybe I ate through my nose or something. But I would consider that as a talent lo, not stupid ... not saying I did) How did you cheat that husband of yours to marry you??

I think she repeated that twice cause I would always ignore such crude remarks on the first roll in case they are just too stupid for their own good and just need time to re-track their words. But on the second turn, I got pissed off!

Me: Well, at least such a stupid and crazy person such as I am, I still scored a husband while you are ALONE and SINGLE!! You jealous? (I wish I could have one hand on my hips and waving a finger in the air a.k.a cool mode)

Her: *hesitated a moment before saying* then your husband must be stupid! Stupid and blind!

WTF??

That was my limit, if this was old me... TRUST me I would pounce on her and tackle her head under my armpit and demand that she apologize. Luckily my friend (the one who was going away) kinda defended my husband, that kinda defused the bomb a little.

So I was at home later that evening and I kept wondering why I felt so confused. I was upset (yes, she said things that was hurtful and insulting) but I also felt bad (because even though it was hard to admit it, I had stoop to her level. I have let her get the better of me in that moment of anger.)

I have friends who are still single to this day and I felt their pain when people say that something might be wrong with them that they are still single. I think they are lovely and wonderful and I believe that everyone is entitled to their version of 'happily ever after' if you have faith, have a pure heart and work at it. So, for me to say such a thing to someone (no matter how upset I was) was unacceptable even to myself.

Yes, maybe such an action is acceptable and maybe even expected when someone challenge you to this degree. But this is a measure of my moral compass and not hers. Maybe she can brush it aside as easily as the fly during summertime but then I can't deny that when I utter those words, I meant it to HURT, it was not just a joke. Even though others might think it is alright, I can't deny that what I did wasn't right.

I was at wrong.

God says that He looks at people's intentions and not merely on their actions. It wasn't whether what I did turned disastrous or not, it was that I had wanted it to.

If I had learned anything from training Poochy is that when someone do something you don't like or doesn't approve, punishing them or giving them attention will not make them realize their faults. Ignore them, withdraw your presence and your helping hand would prevent them from obtaining joy from the situation.

So my thought today is that I do not like Bitch Talk at all and I would NOT participate in it at all. I am not there yet, I can't fully walk away yet but everyday is a training ground. The positive thing is I noted and I want to change.