When two becomes one...

Can actually harm you more than you would admit.

Be it you are 'single', 'in a relationship' or 'it's complicated' phase, I am sure that you will have experience unrequited love, heart breaks and lonely phase. You see other people in what you perceive as the 'perfect' relationship and long for that. We were told, no... TRAINED to think that when the princess or the poor girl finds her prince, she lives happily ever after. So, girls were brainwashed by meaningless fairy tales since young that the ultimate goal in life is to find her soul mate. As we age, we grow smarter, we learn what PI represents, we know fibonacci number, (for GOODNESS sake) but that immature and unrealistic lesson was hopelessly ingrained into our brain.

What this means in the 20th century is a very unrealistic mindset and attitude in a relationship. I find it quite disturbing when a totally motivated, ambitious, outgoing and outspoken person got into a relationship. And with the snap of a finger, she turned into this needy, sticky and spineless person who has no time for friends and family. The change happened almost instantaneously, suddenly all her plans revolved around the guy, she all but gave up her identity and become 'one' with her bf.

I am not trying to pinpoint this person in particular but it is becoming a widespread phenomena. I have notice that it is now a up and becoming trend of 'two become one'. Here are some of the phases I noticed:

1st phase: Those tell tale symptoms
a) When you call her out, both of them appear.
Yes, initially you try to be subtle and hinted that it will be a ladies night. Then you could not stand it, and you blatantly tell her that you do not want him there, but they just come as one. I do not understand how can she not see that her neediness for her bf has become imposing on her friend's lives?

b) Telling her means telling him.
They say you should not keep secrets in a relationship. But then if those secrets are not yours to begin with and you agreed not to say, it is best to keep your words. Your words reflect your personality. And if you start to blab about other ppl's secrets in a relationship, has it begin to dawn on you that you and ur partner have nothing better else to talk about? Telling one person you have the menstrual today and having her bf asking you how are you feeling the next day is NOT ok. Even if it is a mutual understanding that your bf would be informed, he should not butt in as if he is one of the ladies.

c) TMI
Perhaps you can relate to me on this one. Those annoying couples who see each other every single day or be it week, and still they leave overly intimate msgs on FB, on msn and twitter for every one to see. What an eye sore. My statistic has shown that these types of relationship may seem sweet on the outside, most of the time it indicates that both party are insecure about the other's commitment and use this method to re-instate to other's their relationship. More often than not, these relationships fail miserably and they don't speak to each other anymore and delete each other from FB, etc. Don't believe it?

Sometimes, this can even happen to you and you barely feel it. So how do you know?

d) Your friends get sick of you
Initially your friends throw tantrum or complain that you are no longer spending quality time with them, then they stopped calling you altogether. This is usually a bad sign.

2nd phase: you start making excuses for him
If you are a bf craze, you will notice that you start making excuses for him. If your friend complains that ur bf approached them in an inappropriate manner, you start making excuses for him. Excuses I have heard includes: He was raised in a western environment (My western friends do not simply touch me, thank you). He was overly passionate (hint: boundaries?), etc etc. Perhaps you complained to your friend that he borrows excessive money from you, and your friend asked you to dump him. And suddenly you started to protect him giving excuses like he is not always like that, he really needs it, etc etc. The worst part is when he start to hit you and you still make excuses for him.
WAKE UP, he is NOT a baby! YOU DO NOT need to make excuses for him. He knows how to make up excuses all by himself. You need to stop making excuses and start confronting him about it. If it really is nothing, both of you can resolve it calmly and with dignity. What does not kill you make you stronger. If it really is something, avoiding the issue will not make it any better.

3rd phase: You say Love is Blind
I do hope that you will not proceed to this stage. Usually gals who lost their identity in the first year will begin to see their bf pulling away from them and taking interest in some other gals. But unfortunately, I have seen smart, independent gals ended up in this stage.
He may do something to wrong you and you say Love is Blind and did not confront him.
Love is not blind. In the Bible, it is recorded that:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in sin, but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails."

I wanna implore you to really understand and savor this verse. If he loves you, he should be honest with you. You should be able to face him and talk to him about the incident/issue. Unfortunately, often times love is confused with lust and while you may love him and pour out everything to him, you are merely his object of lust. Woman put their hearts out there to be hurt time and time again and sometimes their own friends choose the easier way out and make excuses for these bastards. According to the movie/book "He is not into you", stop thinking you are the exception, you are the rule. Guys who flirts all the time, will cheat on you. Guys who always try to get easy cash from you, will continue to do so. Guys who wants to have sex on the first date, is only there for lust. There are some exceptions but don't bet on it! Here are some tips:

a) Start by treating yourself as your own best friend. Tell yourself the truth, stop lying to yourself or make excuses for him. You don't need to be paranoia nor should you be super ignorant. Don't hurt your heart over a lost cause. Move on. Loving yourself and understanding what a person who loves you will/should do and what they shouldn't do.

b) Have your own space. If he is constantly out with his mates either in gym or playing sport, you don't have to stay at home fidgeting with the phone right infront of your eyes. Have your own ladies outing and your own personal space. Bottom line is you need to stay sane. Putting 100% out there for your bf is NOT healthy. Have a little 'me' time. This enable you to actually still be an individual outside of the relationship, and reduce your neediness and stickiness in a relationship.